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November 13, 2019

Crime

Drink Drive? Who Me? No I’m Just A Human Brewery!

A teetotal Lincoln factory worker arrested by Lincolnshire Traffic Police for drink driving had his conviction overturned when it was revealed that he actually has a bizarre and rare medical condition called ABS (auto-brewery-syndrome) which causes his stomach to brew beer. Paul Brewer-Barleyson 58 from Westwick Drive Lincoln was stopped on Tillbridge Lane in the

Urgent Police Investigation Launched Into Sex Worker Trafficking After Hearing ‘9 Vans Of Virgin Workers Spotted In Gainsborough’.

It has been revealed that Lincolnshire police have now closed a massive investigation into alleged sex worker trafficking in Gainsborough after they realised that 9 vans of workers seen parked up on a local road were workers for Virgin Media and not ‘virgin’ sex workers.  The investigation was launched after detective A. Rsetoot of the

Popping Round Unannounced To Be Made Illegal.

  THE act of ‘popping round’ unannounced to someone’s house is to be reclassified as a crime with the possibility of a custodial sentence or a good birching in the local town square. The government has finally vowed to clamp down on this antisocial behaviour that has terrorised the British population for generations. A government

Local Town Renamed G-troit As Crime And Violence Increases.

  A sleepy town in Lincolnshire famous for it headless horseman and ugly women where nothing much happens apart from the odd derelict building fire and the often bridge strike, has become a no-go area for some locals. Recently the town has witnessed a major increase in crime, and the townsfolk are demanding urgent action

Boston Tops The Towns League Of Crimes.

  Offences have been counted and the results are in. The Sausage can announce that Boston are this year’s runaway winners of the ‘Towns League of Crime’ with 3362 offences being clocked up. Grantham and Spalding made up the rest of the podium with 2716 and 2518 number offences ranging from marrying someone who’s not