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A Zimbabwean elephant named Nellie expressed disappointment and feels let down that poachers are only interested in his tusks and overlooked his mighty fine generous portion of an ass. Nellie told The Sausage: “These poachers are only interested in one thing when they came sneaking into my habitat late Wednesday night all they wanted was
Coronavirus could kill off pubs ‘within days’ after punters told to stay at home. Beer loving Brits were told to stay away from pubs and other indoor spaces earlier by Boris Johnson because of coronavirus, but industry bosses warn this could be disastrous for their future. The British Beer and Pub Association has written to
The company which produces the hit Anglo – French TV show Death In Paradise shown on the BBC has announced that they are going to relocate and rename it for the new series. Many locals on the French owned islands where the show is filmed have had enough and asked for production to be stopped
The British Government has advised against all non-essential travel to S’cunthorpe A government spokesperson has confirmed that official advice about travelling to ‘The Arsehole of Lincolnshire’ – also known as the ‘Lincolnshire’s Front Bottom’’ – has been issued. He told The Sausage: “We are now advising people against all non-essential travel to Sunny Scummy and
Today tabloid journalists have taken up reverse cycling lessons so that they can learn to backpedal faster in the wake of another murder-by-media case. Reverse cycling lessons have become all the rage this morning among guilt riddled tabloid journalists as they help reporters develop the muscles and the stamina they need to backpedal more quickly.
In a statement a palace spokesperson told The Sausage: “Prince Andrew will appear on a one off special of the Jeremy Kyle Show next Wednesday in a bid to clear his name and quash some of the allegations that have been thrown at him. It seems like short notice but honestly this has been planned
Residents and business owners in Gainsborough have admitted that they are ‘absolutely over the flipping moon’ after it was announced that the Coke Truck has been scheduled to visit the town centre on November the 29th. According to a spokesperson for organisers Sniff ‘n’ Blow International, the small Lincolnshire market town of Gainsborough has been
More than 250 people have been arrested as part of an operation to crackdown on disrespectful non Poppy wearing. Since mid the start of November 250 people – described as pacifists, communists and immigrant loving tree hugging lefty types – have been arrested following a series of dawn raids around Lincolnshire for various offences including
A teetotal Lincoln factory worker arrested by Lincolnshire Traffic Police for drink driving had his conviction overturned when it was revealed that he actually has a bizarre and rare medical condition called ABS (auto-brewery-syndrome) which causes his stomach to brew beer. Paul Brewer-Barleyson 58 from Westwick Drive Lincoln was stopped on Tillbridge Lane in the
On The Non Day Of Christmas His Work Colleagues Gave To Him… 24 Inches of Rubber And a Beating Near A Pear Tree.. A man has been battered to death today at a local dildo factory after humming festive tunes at his workstation. Mark Childsworth, 33 from Cleethorps who was the Chief Product Tester, started
