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July 2, 2020

Lincoln

To Infinity And Colon!

A red faced man who turned up at Lincoln County Hospitals A&E department has denied allegations of sexual perversion, instead claiming he was conducting an experiment to see if a large object would fit in a small hole. Simon Blenkout from Marton, was forced to visit his local Accident & Emergency department after getting an

Virtual Beers Gives Lincoln Man A Real Hangover.

A Lincolnshire man who drank with mates in a ‘virtual pub’, has woken up with a very real hangover. Terry Kelham from the Birchwood Estate Lincoln, drank pint after pint of Stella with friends over Zoom to pass the time on Sunday evening during the coronavirus lockdown. Terry was baffled and bemused to emerge from

Jesus Rejoices As Easter Is Cancelled Due To Coronavirus

Christians across the world are limiting large gatherings and physical contact to halt the transmission of Covid-19 All events to mark the important religious festival of Easter have been cancelled due to the coronavirus crisis. The traditional mass celebration of Good Friday, where some poor bugger got nailed to a cross after suffering days of

Audi Driver Demands A Kinghthood !

An Audi driver has scribbled a letter in his favourite coloured crayon addressed to Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth asking for a chuffing Knighthood and a public holiday to be named after him after letting a pensioner out at a junction, it has emerged. Pete Ennis, 32, from Lincoln’s Birchwood estate was in a line of

Drink Drive? Who Me? No I’m Just A Human Brewery!

A teetotal Lincoln factory worker arrested by Lincolnshire Traffic Police for drink driving had his conviction overturned when it was revealed that he actually has a bizarre and rare medical condition called ABS (auto-brewery-syndrome) which causes his stomach to brew beer. Paul Brewer-Barleyson 58 from Westwick Drive Lincoln was stopped on Tillbridge Lane in the

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