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It was announced today that the 2020 European Football Championship will go ahead after all, bringing light relief to footy fans across the country. This year’s European Football Championship 2020 is to be placed in the hands of teenage boys and adult males who have no girlfriends, who still live at home with Mummy and
Today at around 6.55am hundreds of thousands of German and Gerwomen queued outside hospitals across the county waiting for the doors to open. Frauline Becker, a Matron at the Heilige Hans Datdodisheß hospital in Berlin, told the Sausage: “I couldn’t believe my eyes when I opened the doors at 7am. I was swamped by thousands
Bridlington amusement arcade mocks coronavirus panic by filling its grabber machine with toilet roll. Yes Sausage readers this is real news so forget going to the Lincolnshire coast where you can win a teddy, a fake Fiver or a tumble dryer at the bingo. The better prizes are north of the border. If you fancy
A Lincolnshire man today is currently in the ‘stage 3’ recovery zone of the dreaded ‘Man Flu’. Stage 3, or the ‘I can actually make a cup of tea for myself stage’ as his wife calls it, consists of just a headache, cold eyeballs, sniffles, the odd shiver and the inability to do any housework
Storm Warning. Brace Yourself Lincolnshire & Stay Safe Another storm is blowing in from the Atlantic and it’s predicted to hit our shores late Friday so beware of the following hazards across the county. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come and we can have a storm every weekend once the ‘special’ trade agreement
The British Government has advised against all non-essential travel to S’cunthorpe A government spokesperson has confirmed that official advice about travelling to ‘The Arsehole of Lincolnshire’ – also known as the ‘Lincolnshire’s Front Bottom’’ – has been issued. He told The Sausage: “We are now advising people against all non-essential travel to Sunny Scummy and
TV presenter and full time tosser Pier’s Morgan is celebrating after breaking the pancake day record for being the biggest tosser with an award winning back-of-the-net commanding performance. Piers put on a legendary display this pancake day, showing off his massive skill set as he smashed the previous record for biggest tosser. One really over
A pub in Scunthorpe called ‘The Clitoris’ has been forced to shut its doors just six weeks after opening. The management and shareholders are blaming the location and the local men’s inability to find it. ‘The Clitoris’ was supposed to breathe new life into Scunthorpe’s flagging bar scene so instead of snorting coke off the
A cat called Bob has refused to eat a cheaper brand of catfood, despite having recently licked its own arsehole. Four year old Bob has not touched the non-brand “premium meat in gravy’ even though it appears just as identical to the meat that he was previously being fed. Bob’s owner Dallas Frenchenson told The
Lincolnshire folk all across the county once again prepared for Valentine’s Day by carefully thinning their pubic thatches, causing mayhem and localised flooding to areas of the county as sewers became blocked with massive pube-bergs. And with all the excess water from storm Dennis it was a recipe for disaster. As Lincolnshire folk stood in
