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November 30, 2020

News

“Just Get Chuffing Ready You Little Shxts!”

Samantha Frogman, from Gainsborough, blew up at her sons, aged five and eight, 175 separate times in the 65 minutes it took to get them up out of bed and to school. In that time they had to get washed – several times, brush their teeth, have breakfast, get dressed, get in the car, go

Hooray Hooray It’s A Furlough Holiday!

A furloughed factory worker from Gainsborough who has been at home for the past six weeks due to the Coronavirus lockdown, has said that he doesn’t mind ‘one bit’, and that he hopes it goes on for many more months. David Woodson, who works at a manufacturing company making automated packaging equipment told The Sausage:”The

Local Satire Writers Forced Into Facebook Prison And Gets A Telling Off As Tommeh Fan Gets Their Mum To Read Them A Satirical Post About Their Messiah.

Writers of satirical news websites across the world were in shock today as one of the Lincolnshire Sausages top writers was placed into Facebook Prison.  ” Go directly to jail if you pass go don’t collect £200″ Tom Eh-Isawankha, our very own brown skinned, second generation son of a muslim immigrant and job stealing writer,

Shortage Of Fresh Fruit & Veg Supply Has No Effect Whatsoever On The People Of Scunthorpe Reveals Report

Major disruption to the supply chain of fruit and vegetables across Lincolnshire and North Lincolnshire is expected to affect the Scunthorpian diet in no negative way whatsoever, according to a report published by experts at Lincoln University. Prof David Brownmore-or-less-son told The Sausage, from a safe distance of two meters: “With the perfect storm of

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