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January 29, 2020

News

The Jeremy Kyle Show Set For Return, Boris Johnson To Be The First Guest.

The long anticipated question of “how many children does Boris have?” may finally be answered.  Talks are underway between ITV and 10 downing street to revive “The Jeremy Kyle Show” to finally answer the long awaited question. After crumbling under substantial pressure Boris has been quoted as saying “we should proceed without dither and delay”

Beer Anxiety… Turning Men Into Big Girls Blouses!

Paul Carling 31 admitted to The Sausage that he cannot watch anything on the TV without bursting into tears after a big night out with the lads. Paul told The Sausage: “I’ve found that as I’ve gotten older my hangovers have become more unbearable and more vicious. Throbbing headaches, churning stomach, feeling like you want

Dry January? A Mildly Moist One If You Don’t Mind!

Dry January has been downgraded this year to mildly moist across the country it has been revealed. Millions of people, who had started the New Year with the best of intentions have already got their eager eye on what’s left of the festive seasons booze and leftover party food as their hangovers clear, thinking “Sod

Addict?” I Can Stop Anytime!”

A Lincolnshire man who drinks a litre and a half of brake fluid every day claims that he’s not addicted and that he can stop any time he wants. Paul Halt, 45, began drinking brake fluid on his 16th birthday and he has been drinking it everyday since. “I started by just doing shots of

“Happy Christmas, Your Mail Is Here.”

Local post persons from across the county who haven’t spoken a word to Lincolnshire residents for 350 days have suddenly become friendly and approachable over the past couple of weeks. Local post person, Pat O’Cake who usually waits around the corner until people have gone out so he can push his ‘We called while you

Prime Pensioner!

A lovely kind hearted retired neighbour in Lincolnshire has confirmed that it is ‘absolutely fine’ and he is in no way cheesed off about collecting his neighbours Amazon deliveries. The good willed neighbour named Ronald told The Sausage “that is was no problem whatsoever” to be regularly interrupted and used as a parcel pick-up point

Layer Up For A Cold Damp Election Day.

Lincolnshire parents have been advised by the Met office to layer up on their pajamas and put their fluffy winter dressing gown on today for the morning school run as it’s a bit fresh out there. The school run could take a little longer this morning due to there being a General Election with mum’s

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