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Samantha Frogman, from Gainsborough, blew up at her sons, aged five and eight, 175 separate times in the 65 minutes it took to get them up out of bed and to school. In that time they had to get washed – several times, brush their teeth, have breakfast, get dressed, get in the car, go
Bojo Cummings Limo Hire Ltd. Say that their support team driver who rammed the PM up the arse yesterday has been ordered to attend an eye test at Barnard Castle. Mr T. Orybellend, a spokesperson for Bojo Cummings Limo Hire Ltd told The Sausage: “The driver will be made to drive up to Barnard Castle
Local Drug Lord Levi Skaggface told The Sausage: “Lockdown has provided us with many obstacles and with many dealers including myself having to furlough their county lines drug runners to keep cost down and due to the lack of work with travel restrictions in place, we had to look down different avenues.” “How was I
A furloughed factory worker from Gainsborough who has been at home for the past six weeks due to the Coronavirus lockdown, has said that he doesn’t mind ‘one bit’, and that he hopes it goes on for many more months. David Woodson, who works at a manufacturing company making automated packaging equipment told The Sausage:”The
The Society of Science and Dog Walking released a statement this afternoon saying that people who don’t own a dog but go for a daily walk are a little bit odd and are probably up to no good and should be approached with caution. Double the distance of social distancing is advised. Dober Mann, a
April the 24th needs marking down as an historical event because a cure for stupidity was born and we have the Great Donald Trump to thank, slow hand clap please. Throughout this coronavirus crisis good old Donald, the leader of the free world, has turned daily White House task force briefings into a rambling two-hour
An incredibly brave and selfless man has risked catching the coronavirus at a Gainsborough supermarket because his mother needed some brandy and six bottles of lemonade because she cannot go out because of her twelve week lockdown. Andy Mann had ventured out to his local Lidl and Aldi last night wearing only a protective mask
The Sausage learnt today that the Pandemic of mini cooper drivers is worse than expected. Male Mini Cooper drivers seem to follow a few of the same traits such as, being a jumped up little bastard who are trying to look wealthier than they usually are. Trying to make their mark in the property industry
Writers of satirical news websites across the world were in shock today as one of the Lincolnshire Sausages top writers was placed into Facebook Prison. ” Go directly to jail if you pass go don’t collect £200″ Tom Eh-Isawankha, our very own brown skinned, second generation son of a muslim immigrant and job stealing writer,
Major disruption to the supply chain of fruit and vegetables across Lincolnshire and North Lincolnshire is expected to affect the Scunthorpian diet in no negative way whatsoever, according to a report published by experts at Lincoln University. Prof David Brownmore-or-less-son told The Sausage, from a safe distance of two meters: “With the perfect storm of
