A Zimbabwean elephant named Nellie expressed disappointment and feels let down that poachers are only interested in his tusks and overlooked his mighty fine generous portion of an ass. Nellie told The Sausage: “These poachers are only interested in one thing when they came sneaking into my habitat late Wednesday night all they wanted was
A proud Englishman and R Tommeh worshiper has stated in various social media posts, as well as bragged down the pub after several pints of Stella, that he’d do absolutely anything for his country apart from ‘wear a chuffing face mask’ during a global pandemic. Terrance Cockwomble, 42 from Gainsborough told The Sausage: “I’m willing
The new social distancing regulations of table ordering and filling out of forms only lasted until the bottom of the second pint yesterday as pubs re-opened their doors once again. Well we say re-opened their doors once again, if the rumours are to be believed, some establishments in Gainsborough having secret drinks behind closed curtains.
Gainsborough folk who do not smoke cannabis face fines and could be sent to prison under tough new drug laws. The small inbred Lincolnshire town is to make cannabis use compulsory for all residents under 50 years old with penalties for anyone who does not have any form of the drug in a bedroom drawer
The Jolly Fisherman has thrown the gauntlet down to the statue topplers of the world offering free knuckle butties to anyone who dares to challenge him, basically saying ” Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough!” The Lincolnshire icon and Skegvegas celebrity told The Sausage: ” Anyone who wants to come
Upper class supermarket Waitrose has taken social distancing to a whole new level – by banning anyone who doesn’t claim the maximum Furlough payment of £2500 a month or a pension which pays less than that from its shops. The new rules, which have come into force this week, ensure that common folk are kept
A red faced man who turned up at Lincoln County Hospitals A&E department has denied allegations of sexual perversion, instead claiming he was conducting an experiment to see if a large object would fit in a small hole. Simon Blenkout from Marton, was forced to visit his local Accident & Emergency department after getting an
Local Drug Lord Levi Skaggface told The Sausage: “Lockdown has provided us with many obstacles and with many dealers including myself having to furlough their county lines drug runners to keep cost down and due to the lack of work with travel restrictions in place, we had to look down different avenues.” “How was I
Thousands of ‘disabled’ folk have flocked to Lincolnshire’s coast and ignored threats by the locals to stay away or else get burned in a Wickerman after coronavirus restrictions were eased by our main man in charge Boris Johnson. In Skegness on Wednesday, May 20, there were long queues for Skegness’ latest must go to attraction.
Seaside towns across Lincolnshire have launched a new campaign warning people that if they come and visit, they will be hunted down by angry inbred locals with pitchforks and burning torches. If captured you shall be placed in a Wickerman along with other captured tourists and burnt. Following that the hungry seagulls will pick over