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September 20, 2020

Twats

What’s Wrong With My Mighty Fine Ass Says Nellie The Elephant

A Zimbabwean elephant named Nellie expressed disappointment and feels let down that poachers are only interested in his tusks and overlooked his mighty fine generous portion of an ass. Nellie told The Sausage: “These poachers are only interested in one thing when they came sneaking into my habitat late Wednesday night all they wanted was

New Two Pint Rule For Social Distancing.

The new social distancing regulations of table ordering and filling out of forms only lasted until the bottom of the second pint yesterday as pubs re-opened their doors once again.  Well we say re-opened their doors once again, if the rumours are to be believed, some establishments in Gainsborough having secret drinks behind closed curtains.

Gainsborough Declares Crackdown On Non Cannabis-Users

Gainsborough folk who do not smoke cannabis face fines and could be sent to prison under tough new drug laws. The small inbred Lincolnshire town is to make cannabis use compulsory for all residents under 50 years old with penalties for anyone who does not have any form of the drug in a bedroom drawer

Tear My Statue Down And I Will Bray The Living Fuck Out Of You!

The Jolly Fisherman has thrown the gauntlet down to the statue topplers of the world offering free knuckle butties to anyone who dares to challenge him, basically saying ” Come and have a go if you think you’re hard enough!”  The Lincolnshire icon and Skegvegas celebrity told The Sausage: ” Anyone who wants to come

To Infinity And Colon!

A red faced man who turned up at Lincoln County Hospitals A&E department has denied allegations of sexual perversion, instead claiming he was conducting an experiment to see if a large object would fit in a small hole. Simon Blenkout from Marton, was forced to visit his local Accident & Emergency department after getting an

Does A Day Out In Skegness Make You Disabled?

Thousands of ‘disabled’ folk have flocked to Lincolnshire’s coast and ignored threats by the locals to stay away or else get burned in a Wickerman after coronavirus restrictions were eased by our main man in charge Boris Johnson. In Skegness on Wednesday, May 20, there were long queues for Skegness’ latest must go to attraction.

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